


Broken limbs

by theresmyclarke



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Childhood, F/F, F/M, Happy Ending, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, My First AO3 Post, Pain, Soulmarks, Soulmates, Underage Drinking, changed the clexa tag, i don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29517261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresmyclarke/pseuds/theresmyclarke
Summary: Bellamy vows to never get a soulmate. But then he meets Clarke Griffin. It’s not an easy journey but he feels like everything falls into place when she’s around. Until she’s not, and it’s the most painful experiences of his life, even more than the three times he has broken limbs throughout his childhood.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Raven Reyes, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Raven Reyes, Bellamy Blake/Roma, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin & Wells Jaha
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	Broken limbs

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for the lovely Kristy. I'm so so so sorry this is late... but, Happy Valentines day boo. I hope you enjoy it. This is my first ever Bellarke fic, I hope you feel special. :)
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful Jo (@/BeWellBeKind1) Thank you so much love, you definitely cleaned this up 😅💖

Soulmates.

This is how it all started,

Bellamy was five when he first experienced excruciating pain in his chest. He stumbled on his friend’s tree house and fell 2 metres to the ground, breaking his arm. He heard screams which must have been from his only friend Raven, shouting for her adoptive father, probably about his fall. Everything went blurry as the feeling in his chest lulled him to pass out with a smile on his face. The next few hours went in a blur. He was in and out of consciousness. The next thing he remembers clearly, he was in a waiting room at the hospital and had a cast on, waiting for his mom to finish up talking to a police officer a couple of metres away. 

There was so much chaos at the hospital that day. Emergencies left and right even though it wasn’t the holidays. A small town like theirs with only one crossroad at the main road towards the exit to the highway didn’t have much trauma, especially from car accidents. But that day, it felt like their small hospital was busier than ever. Maybe the emergencies were from a few towns over. Several small towns used their facilities since Arkadia was the main town. Bellamy didn’t pay that much attention, as he was a bit buzzed. 

“It’s a girl!” a nurse announced to a black family sitting across him. They all cheered. The woman, with a streak of grey hair running from the front of her hairline to the bun on top of her head, held the tiny baby, rocking it as the man, donning a similar patch of grey hair in the front, engulfed them in a hug. Bellamy found himself smiling. Lost in this family’s happiness after they received good news of a newborn of their own. He remembers asking his mom all the time if he could get a little brother so he could play with him. His smile faltered a little as he was yet to have a sibling.

Raven and her father took them to get ice-cream right after which made him forget about the events of the day. But only for a little while. Though he didn’t have a little brother, his best friend Raven made up for some of that emptiness. They were neighbors for as long as he could remember. She was only a few months younger than him but she gave him a run for his money. She was confident and loud. In fact, sometimes he needed a day off from her.

After dinner, his mom ran him a bath which was his favorite time of the day where he would make bubbles and play out scenarios that he and Raven made up about saving the world. During bed time, his mom crouched by his bed getting ready to tell him a story but Bellamy had something else in mind. 

“Mommy,” he hesitated. He knows his dad had died when he was still a baby and he didn’t like bringing him up because it made his mom frown. It pained him to see her sad. But he really wanted to know something important. “Will I get soulmate?” he asked.

Aurora blinked at him. Bellamy wasn’t aware his mother was caught off guard by his blunt question. He never really wanted to ask, but today felt like a very important day for him to. It felt right. His mom had absent mindedly mentioned to him that his dad wasn’t her soulmate when he had come home one day asking her what a soulmate was. In fact, she had told him that she’d never gotten a soulmate and said it didn’t matter since she had him. She rarely spoke about his father. 

It had all started when Raven had told him that her mom had left her to go find her soulmate. He didn’t have any clue what she was talking about so Raven explained that a soulmate is someone you find in life who will be there for you through everything. They are your best friend and they make everything better. They bring a smile to your face and they love you forever. They love you when you’re sad, they love you when you’re happy. They love you even when you make them mad. Raven though, was sad that her mom left to go find her soulmate without her, so she hated soulmates. 

Maybe Bellamy should hate soulmates too because his best friend and his mom were both miserable because of them. But ever since the morning when he felt that pain in his chest, he couldn’t shake away the feeling that he needed to know more about them. He needed to know if he would be lucky enough to find his own soulmate and that they wouldn’t screw him over. It was like he was somehow reborn and there was a feeling of longing in his chest that he couldn’t place.

“Oh honey,” Aurora started after recovering from what seemed like minutes too long to respond, “Of course you’ll get one. You’re a very special boy, Bellamy. You’re sweet and smart and kind, and sweet boys like you deserve to get soulmates.” His mom was getting teary and he never wanted to make her cry, so he got up to hug her. 

“Sorry mom,” he sniffed.

“Don’t be sorry my boy,” she said, leaning back and getting a bit more serious. She looked right in his eyes as if what she was about to say was very important, he had to take it seriously. “I don’t want you to get hurt love,” she started again, “if you ever find your soulmate, just know that it is not your fault whatever happens. You don’t have to love them back. You don’t have to be with them if you don’t want to. You might fall in love with someone else before you ever find your soulmate and that doesn’t mean you have to drop everything. For all you know, they might not like bubble baths” she huffs playfully and a small smile creeps into her features. 

Bellamy relaxed. He didn’t expect this conversation to take this turn. But he felt like he understood. At 5, he was pretty smart and aware of the world for his age. It was just him and his mom, and his mom worked very hard so he learned how to take care of himself already. 

“Do you ever wish dad had been your soulmate?” Bellamy hesitantly asked.

“He was.” Aurora smiled at him, already starting to tuck him in. “Even though we were not marked with a streak of that beautiful grey hair, we both told each other we were soulmates. And that was enough.” That was her final word on the subject and it played over and over in his head for days to come. 

*****************************

When Bellamy was 13, he was all limbs and already making heads turn as one of the best players in his middle school’s football team. This was his big game before summer, and before going to high school. He needed to make a mark. Raven was in the stands with their friend group Miller, Brian, Murphy, Emori, Gina, and his 7-year-old little sister Octavia, cheering him on. They were playing against their rival team from Sanctum, a neighboring town that had the only private school and employed the commissioner of their small county. 

Bellamy saw victory coming. Though their school didn’t have much funding and their football uniforms were worn, the kids that played were passionate about the sport and the parents tried their best to keep the team together. But it was a clear contrast compared to their rival team that looked like they walked out of an ESPN game with brand new matching uniforms, sports bags, water bottles, and even a cheerleading squad with cute girls with perfect hair, making high kicks and acrobatic tumbles. He refused to be distracted by all of this.

The whistle blew. This was it. His last chance to succeed at the play coach had sprung on them at the last minute. He was, of course, shuffled to play striker after half-time. Bellamy looked over at the cheerleaders for the opposite team. He pretended they were cheering for him. The referee walked back signaling the start of the play. He took a deep breath, waited for his signal. Before he knew it, he was running, and running, and running, till he couldn’t run anymore. He felt his legs fail him; he couldn’t understand what was happening. He felt his chest constrict and he was now running out of breath. 

Not again! he thought to himself. He knows this feeling very well. It happened the day he fell from Raven’s tree house. Out of nowhere, he tripped, fell to the ground and he felt pain taking over his entire body. Just like before, he laid there as the same familiar calmness took over him and everything went blurry. He woke up in a hospital bed, again, but this time with a cast on his other arm.

“Hey drama queen,” Raven said. She was sitting on a stool at the side of his bed, smiling up at him, “You couldn’t just finish the last 40 seconds and give us the winning goal? You were right there dude! Out in the open with no defenders.” Raven loves football. But their school can’t afford to have a girls’ team and she has attempted but failed to join the boys team. She does however come to their practices and helps out their coach. Some boys enjoy this, but others are kind of afraid of her and Bellamy likes it that way. 

“Hey!” Bellamy exclaims, “I didn’t do this on purpose I swear.” He huffed, trying to move but his arm was linked to some complicated strings hanging up to keep it still. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Raven shrugged, “Sinclair says he’ll take you home, your mom couldn’t get out of work. Octavia is sleeping.” Bellamy glanced over to where his little sister was indeed sleeping on a couch in his little hospital room. 

They couldn’t stay there long. Their hospital bill would go up and that meant his mom would have to work longer hours and she’d be home even less with them. “When did they say I can leave?” he asks Raven, impatient and trying to figure out how to detangle himself from the web on his arm.

“Do I look like I know?” 

Bellamy couldn’t think of anything worse. His last game was ruined and he broke another arm. He groaned at himself. 

Later on, they were sitting yet again in the waiting room as Sinclair signed some documents before he could take them all home. His mom was still at work and Sinclair told him they would have dinner with them. He found himself sitting in the waiting room across from a very familiar family and that took him off guard. He’d last seen them when he was five, and they were much older now. And it looked like the baby they were carrying then is now the boy sitting next to a blonde girl crying in his lap as he soothed her, running his fingers in her long golden hair. The older couple held each other as they seemed to wait on news, just as they did eight ears ago. He narrowed his eyes at the younger ones, lost in their own world. The blonde girl shifted uncomfortably multiple times but seemed to fall back to taking in deep breaths as the boy whispered some words to her. 

“Do they know what happened?” Aurora asked Sinclair when she came by to pick up Bellamy and a sleeping Octavia later that night. “I literally saw him just yesterday and he was so excited to go watch the game.”

“Just a young teen who took his father’s car on a joy ride with a friend and ran a stop sign.” Sinclair explained. Bellamy learned that night that the commissioner of their county was involved in a car accident in their only major intersection coming from Sanctum to Arkadia to watch their game. He didn’t know much about the commissioner. The news was a bit shocking, especially for their town that barely had anything happening. With their one mall with a small movie theater and only one drive-through. Their main entertainment involved the school sports games where everyone would gather around, bring camping chairs and scream at each other, but then later congregate for hot dogs, carnival games, and drinks. 

Sinclair and his mom finished their conversation and they had to go their separate ways. Bellamy was silent the entire way home. He was still overwhelmed by the adrenaline from the game, his fall that ended up with him breaking his other arm, and surprisingly enough, seeing that family again in the waiting room. How those few minutes sitting there was part of the highlight of his day, he didn’t know. All he knew is that he was drawn to them in a way he couldn’t explain. His chest felt heavy but he was not afraid. He didn’t feel like he was running out of breath or that he was about to fall. It was a similar feeling, but this time it felt more like it would mend a broken heart he never really had.

*******************************************

“You should ask her out.”

“What?” Bellamy asked, shocked at the turn of events. He was only 17 and had never had a serious girlfriend, unless you counted those 3 weeks when he was 15, where Josephine transferred from Sanctum to their public school and declared that the captain of the football team was her boyfriend. She later realized Bellamy did not have any interest in her nor in becoming crowned in any school competitions, he only “hung out” with girls who showed him interest and only in that capacity. He was rubbing Raven’s bare back as they lay in the bed of his truck out in the fields where they usually went star gazing after his Friday games. They enjoyed slipping away from the groups gathering in the fields to play some friendly games, the others selling hot dogs and having a mini family day.

“Gina. You should ask her out,” Raven says absent mindedly. They’ve been doing this thing for a few months now, something they haven’t explained to each other or anyone else. Raven is now in his senior class, because she’s a genius, with acceptance letters to multiple Ivy league colleges already. Bellamy has gotten his acceptance letters in multiple state schools, but he has already made it clear to everyone that he isn’t going until his sister is at least in high school. He doesn’t want to leave his mother to take care of herself and his sister. After she fell ill and could only work 2 jobs that basically only covered their rent and food, Bellamy had to step up and find a job or two to help out. He never wanted his mother to think it was a burden to him. He loved helping her out and making her life easier. He loved his sister and wanted to make sure she was well taken care of and getting the childhood she deserved. Everything he did was for them and he was not about to stop doing that now only because some rich fancy schools saw him as a new shining thing to parade around and bring more funding to their establishments. 

“I mean she’s not your soulmate, right? So, your stupid vow to never believe in soulmates will still be intact.” Raven continued, seeing as Bellamy was not about to answer anytime soon. “You should ask her out,” she repeated, seeming to doze off from Bellamy rubbing her back.

Bellamy was a bit confused. Though he and Raven never talked about feelings and about commitment, he didn’t think she would want him as her boyfriend. They’ve known each other for so long he doesn’t think of her as a romantic partner. Plus, she was there for all his firsts that he obviously regrets and wasn’t prepared for, and she was just recovering from a bad breakup-- her boyfriend Finn was two-timing her with another girl at Sanctum High. Bellamy never really liked the dude, not just for his floppy hair or that he always seems to target him on the field (yes, Bellamy knows he’s a defender for Sanctum football team and he’s only playing his role to defend but that doesn’t matter), he still broke Raven’s heart and now he can freely dislike him and his rich Sanctum team and group of friends that obviously think they are superior. They are a close competition as compared to the schools in the other towns, but that’s only because they get better funding and thus better coaches, better facilities, and the kids there have the extra time to do anything, while Bellamy and his teammates do odd jobs to make ends meet and can’t really only focus on improving their football game. 

He hears Raven sigh and remembers he’s supposed to give a response to the dating Gina comment. He can’t really pin down why he doesn’t feel like it. Gina’s a nice girl. She comes to all his games and cheers him on. She’s in the other class and he knows she does well in school. She has a pretty face, long brown soft hair, (yes, he has touched it a few times when she comes barreling at him after they win games and she envelopes herself in his arms). There were even a few times at parties where he found himself sitting with their group of friends at Mbege’s house listening to Josie talk all night while Gina leans back on him where he’s sitting. He would stroke her hair as she made herself comfortable. They’ve kissed in the dark but never went any further than that. 

He doesn’t know why he hasn’t made a move on her yet when it’s obvious she’s interested in him. Probably because he knows she’s looking for more than he can give her. He can’t get distracted by a girl right now. His priorities are his family, school, and football, and that’s already a handful. But maybe since she’s not his soulmate it’ll be fine. He has seen how soulmates have turned out for the people he loves and he’s not interested in his own. So why is he not jumping at every opportunity of being with a nice girl that isn’t his soulmate?

So, he began to date her. And it was the easiest thing in his life. It was nice. For once, he had something that wasn’t a challenge or for someone else. It was nice until she left for University and broke it off. He understood, he wasn’t her soulmate.

******************************************

Bellamy walks into a frat house side by side with Gabriel and Miller. He spots only a few people with grey streaks in their hair. Some are stuck together, as expected, while others seem to be hanging out with their friends. It’s pretty common for soulmates to find each other at this age. But most young people tend to want to figure themselves out first before they commit to that one person, even if it usually ends up as fated. Bellamy isn’t a cynic; he does get happy when his friends find their soulmates and decide to stick together. He just doesn’t want to be tied down like that. Plus, he doesn’t think there’s any woman or man out there who he would feel so devoted to and who he would love unconditionally. He also doesn’t want to have his hopes up, because he has seen up close how soulmates turn out for the people he loved. Sometimes he also wonders, who would love him? He can feel a longing for that deep love that consumes you and frees you all at once. He just doesn’t think it’s his own destiny. 

“MVP!” He hears someone call out in the middle of a crowd. He squints to try catch who the voice belongs to, only to spot a rugged Mbege pushing through from the kitchen towards them. As he reaches the trio, he seems overjoyed to see them there as if he thought he would never see them in his life again. 

“Mbege, how you doing man?” Bellamy greets his former high school friend and teammate, “You know I don’t play anymore.”

“The title is still yours though,” Mbege replies as he hugs Miller who is looking around for something.

“Let’s grab some drinks at the bar,” Gabriel pipes in, nodding towards a make-shift bar that has an ice bucket with assorted beers, and a weird-colored punch on a foldable table by the fire place at the corner of the dining room. There are small crowds in different sections of the 3-story house that’s most popular for their huge crazy parties that are usually stopped by police right before dusk.

“C’mon, I know where the most fun is,” Mbege says as they stand there, each holding a drink in their hands. “The party is down this way.” He leads them down the stairs to the basement and straight to a door labeled “members only”. “My brother is part of the house, he’s fine with me inviting a few friends.” The boys don’t say anything as they follow their old friend through the restricted door.

As they enter, the room is illuminated with some dimmed fluorescent light, the music is deep and low coming through some large speakers at the corner of the room. There’s a couch at another corner with a soul-mated couple vigorously making out. There’s a trio on the carpeted floor by the same couch playing cards, with a couple of shots next to them. There are four people playing beer pong in the middle of the room while the other two are cheering them on at the sides. 

“Aahhh c’mon Wells, I told you not to chug those three beers before our game. Now we’re gonna lose our winning streak.” Bellamy briefly locked eyes with the blonde poking at her friend. He felt like his heart stopped for a good 5 seconds, his breathing became a bit unstable and he had to stumble a bit to catch his footing as he came to a sudden halt. Why did that voice sound familiar? He focused on the blonde with her pursed lips and pinched eyebrows. She had crinkles on her forehead as she focused on her next shot. The ball bounced out of the cup and went straight at his face. He blinked twice shaking himself back to reality, only to find everyone staring at him.

“What?” he asked, confused. The blonde giggled, clearly a bit tipsy by his judgement. She was covering her mouth as if to not let any more giggles escape. He scowled even more, but his insides were burning and he couldn’t place why he was all of a sudden feeling warm but also heavy. 

“Bellamy, ball,” Mbege told him from the other side of the room. He realized people were staring at him so he could pass them the ball that bounced out of the cup and hit his face. Suddenly feeling shy from all the eyes on him, he shuffled to get the ball that rolled behind him and threw it to the other pair at the table. The game continued and he felt the pull to stay right there and watch the match. He told himself he was curious to see who would win since he found both pairs with only 2 cups left each. But something else was pulling him there and he was feeling confident enough to find out what.

“Whooooo!!” The blonde screamed and threw herself into her partner’s arms who lifted her up and spun her around. He thought they would kiss as the boy placed her back onto her two feet but they only grinned at each other. Feeling the need to check, he noticed they were both not soul-mated, which brought a smile to his face. 

Stop it! 

An inner voice told him and he had to shake himself out of that path. He is now in college and should stick to his vow of no soulmates and focus on his education, as always. 

“MVP, join us,” Mbege called out to them. He was sitting on a couch across the room where the makeout session seemed to have halted. They shuffled there and were given some throw pillows to sit on the carpeted floor. 

“Who’s that?” Bellamy hears Gabriel ask, pointing at the blonde who’s now standing by the speakers scrolling on her phone, clearly changing the music. Bellamy is relieved he didn’t have to ask himself, though he had wanted to know since the moment he walked in and locked eyes with her.

“Someone interested in Ark U royalty?” Mbege says as he wiggles his eyebrows at Gabriel. Confused, Bellamy squints as he stares at the girl now, with her eyes closed, swaying by herself to the song that she just loaded. He smiles, feeling a pang in his chest and deciding to not think too much about it. 

“Ark U royalty?” Gabriel asks.

“Stop telling people Clarke is royalty. You know she hates it.” says the guy that was partnered with the blonde. Clarke. Bellamy has caught her name as he plops on the couch next to Mbege and a girl he hadn’t noticed was sitting there but is obviously smiling at him. So, he sips at his drink trying to avoid eye contact.

“But she is Ark—”

“I’m going to hang you face down by the balcony in your underwear and make you lick my toes while singing the national anthem if you don’t stop calling me Ark U royalty Mbege.” Bellamy swallows as Clarke’s voice seems to be getting closer to where they’re sitting. He doesn’t know when she started making her way over. He doesn’t think he’s ready to face her just yet. He doesn’t even know why he’s all of a sudden unable to get himself together. She’s just a girl. He’s met many girls. He’s had intimate moments with girls before. There’s nothing special about this girl he hasn’t even met yet. And she seems to be one of the privileged ones—what with her nickname and all. And he doesn’t fit in well with the rich.

Bellamy watches as she too joins the trio on the couch, which makes it a tight squeeze. She playfully slaps the back of Mbege’s head as she smiles. She’s now sucking on a lollipop and that action alone seems to be getting Bellamy’s mouth too dry. He continues to hide behind sipping at his nearly empty beer.

“I haven’t seen you around,” Clarke says, playfully looking directly at him. She continues to suck on her lollipop and his eyes betray him as they follow the movements of her mouth. He takes a deep breath, smiles at her since it looks like she’s speaking to just him, and responds. Hoping to sound civil and not betray all the emotions he feels inside.

“I’m new here.”

“Aah! Fresh meat!” 

“Maybe you can show me around your castle, Princess.” Clarke scrunches her nose at the nickname, still regarding him. Maybe she’s weighing where to place him since he hasn’t given anything away.

“You’re gonna fit right in Bellamy,” Mbege chuckles before he turns to make out with the girl under his arm. He doesn’t have his soulmark but the girl he’s kissing does. Bellamy doesn’t want to get into figuring out why.

“Did you transfer here?” Clarke asks him, which startles him because he’s still not sure what to do with this new feeling in his chest that seems to not be going away. And somehow, he still feels the need to stay seated right where he is and chat with Clarke.

“Starting my masters,” he replies with his signature smirk. Maybe if he plays into his old persona, he will get his confidence back and make full sentences.

“Masters!” She exclaims. “That’s incredible. Do you enjoy your major?” Bellamy has never been asked if he enjoys his studies. He surely doesn’t remember anyone asking him if he enjoys anything really. He smiles. 

“Yes princess, I sure do enjoy it,” He takes the last sip of his beer, willing to challenge himself. He smirks at her. “Do you wanna walk with me to go grab another beer?”

“Looks like the princess is in demand today,” Mbege supplies as he stands, still with the same girl under his arm. “Just don’t try to kiss her, she’ll punch you in the face,” he tells Bellamy as he jumps over the people seated on the floor, almost kicking Gabriel. Bellamy turns to steal a glance at Clarke who’s also now standing. 

“Well, you coming?” She says as she walks towards the door.

“I’ll see you at home,” he tells Gabriel as he stands to catch up to Clarke.

His chest is now pounding rapidly and he knows it’s not because he stood so quickly, and it’s definitely not from the one beer he’s had tonight. After grabbing a second beer, Clarke suggests they go up to the roof. She takes him through someone’s room and they climb out of the window to sit by the mini balcony facing the old University buildings, but also giving them a nice view of the stars in the cloudless night. The air is humid as fall approaches. Clarke is in denim shorts and a white v-neck tee and white sneakers. She looks comfortable. Her hair is pinned up to the sides and falls gracefully on her back. She looks simple yet radiant. Bellamy feels he like could stare at her forever and not get enough.

“You’re staring,” she says without looking at him. He ducks when he realizes he was caught. Blushing. Blushing? He doesn’t blush. What is this girl doing to him? When he turns back after recovering she’s smiling up at the stars. She has long discarded the lollipop stick. 

“Whose room is this? I don’t wanna get in trouble if your boyfriend finds me here.” Clarke chuckles.

“You’re cute,” she says, still not looking at him. “I don’t have a boyfriend, nor girlfriend, and this is my friend Well’s room.” She finally turns to look at him, still wearing that heart wrenching beautiful smile on her face. She sips at her beer, probably waiting for his next stupid question. It’s as if she’s trying to read him. Why? He has no clue. But he’s here anyways also trying to figure out why he feels a pull from her. Like he doesn’t want the night to end. They haven’t said much to each other but it’s as if they’ve said a lot. Especially in between the glances and the not so awkward silences. 

“I wanna kiss you.” He doesn’t know where that came from. He never had to ask anyone if he could kiss them, they usually were forthcoming on their own. He gasps at himself and she smiles even wider.

“I wanna kiss you too,” she replies. Suddenly he feels like they’re so close to each other. “But I won’t.” She rips at his heart and he feels exposed. “I hate soulmates.”

“What, you think I’m your soulmate?” He smirks at her; he hopes she doesn’t catch on the fake smirk he’s trying so hard to pull off as his heart is pounding in his chest with some disappointment that she wouldn’t kiss him. Why he’s so hell bent on wanting to kiss this particular girl he just met over an hour ago? He doesn’t know, don’t ask him. But he also feels like he wants more than to just kiss her. He wants to hold her hand and wipe out that crease between her eyebrows. He wants to get to know her and go star gazing somewhere outside of the city where the stars dress the sky and he could tell her stories his father used to tell him about constellations. Again, don’t ask him why he feels that way, it’s like he isn’t in control of his body and mind at this point. He can’t even blame alcohol. His thoughts are cut short when she startles him with her next question. He almost chokes.

“Do you want to be one?” she asks. He blinks at her and she laughs. A whole chest heaving heavy yet beautiful laugh. He finds himself not in shock anymore but laughing with her. 

“I don’t believe in soulmates,” he finally says and Clarke turns her entire body towards him as if he suddenly said something she wants to dive deep into. “I think they’re overrated.” He loves it when she simply smiles at him like she is now. And he feels that urge again to pull her in and kiss her face all over.

“I think I like you Bellamy,” she takes a swig at her beer. “So, tell me about your masters, what’s it on?” And so, they chat away about what they’re studying. Bellamy tells her he’s studying history and she teases him about being a nerd when he quotes The Iliad. She tells him that she’s doing culinary studies which was inspired by her father who was a chef. He teases her about her dream to be on Master Chef to make her dad proud since he enjoyed the show and she always told him she will be on it one day. They both don’t say much about their families or about their childhoods, but the conversation doesn’t stop and Bellamy feels so comfortable he doesn’t feel the need to go back down for another beer. 

“No dad, I told you she’s not my soulmate,” Bellamy whips his head around when they hear a voice coming from inside Well’s room. He turns to see what Clarke wants them to do since the person on the phone seems to be having a private conversation with his father. But Bellamy notices Clarke has tensed and is looking straight ahead past his shoulders.

“I did kiss her and she punched me in the face,” the person says in a frustrated almost hurt tone. Bellamy doesn’t know what to do. Clarke seems to be listening in and he doesn’t think the person on the phone would appreciate him being there right now. So, he pokes her with his foot and she only closes her eyes. 

“Wells, we’re out here,” she says towards the window and the man inside pauses his pacing, clearly surprised at there being people in his room. Bellamy hears footsteps and Wells pokes his head out the window to find them sitting on either side of his mini balcony. 

“Oh hey,” he says with an obvious nervous smile.

“Stop going around telling people I punched you.”

“Well, you did, and it was in front of so many people I don’t need to say anything.” 

“Next time ask if you want to kiss someone.”

“Duly noted,” Wells says as he salutes. “Hi Bellamy,” he says smiling up at him, “Don’t try to kiss her tonight.” Clarke huffs and it only makes Bellamy smile as he nods at Wells before he ducks back in to his room.

“Should I be scared?” he asks. Clarke rolls her eyes at him as she stands, making her way back into the room.

“Don’t be dramatic,” she says after sticking her landing next to the chest of drawers by the window, “Just don’t try to kiss me and you’ll be fine.”

“You really hate soulmates huh?” 

“Are you looking for yours?” 

“No.”

“Well, we’re in the same boat.” She says it like it’s that simple. “It was nice meeting you Bellamy.” This can’t be it, he thinks. The night is still young and it’s only a Friday. He doesn’t wanna part with her just yet. 

“Where are you going?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking and only realized he sounded like a clingy boyfriend when the question came out, “I—I mean, I,” She lets out a short giggle making him take a deep breath. She leans into his space, grabs his t-shirt with the hand that’s not holding her beer, and brings her mouth to his ear.

“Do you wanna take me home Bellamy?” She breathes in his ear and her raspy voice shoots straight to his core. He swallows as he adjusts his pants. He doesn’t know what to say in response. Of course, he does wanna take her home. He’s sure she knows half the guys and girls at this party probably want to take her home, why would he be an exception? 

She pulls back way too quick before he could fully drink her in. He wants to wipe away that smirk from her face with his mouth because she knows exactly what she just did to him. But something tells him Mbege and Wells are serious about her punching him if he would try to kiss her. Why did soulmates have to be connected to kissing? He suddenly hates the concept of soulmates even more now more than ever. 

“Good night Bellamy,” Clarke says as she quickly makes her way out of Wells’ room before he could reply. He growls as he drops down on Wells’ bed, rubbing his face and running his hands through his hair. It’s as if the events of the night are suddenly flooding his brain and he can’t make sense of any of them. Who is this girl and why does she make him feel this way?

************************************************

From then on, Bellamy finds himself running in the same circles as Clarke. She even teases him that he’s stalking her. He finds out she’s the daughter of the Dean, hence her royalty status among her friends. He wants to hate her for her privilege, but every time he considers making a snipe at her it dies on his lips the moment she smiles at him. He doesn’t know how the semester goes by so quickly.

“Do you want to move back home?” Raven asks him one afternoon.

“Raven, this is serious, I’m in so much trouble I can’t explain it,” he says as he paces in Sinclair’s garage with Raven lying under her truck trying to fix something for the hundredth time. He’s back home for the holidays and he thinks this is good for him to get some bit of space from Clarke. He’s been hanging out more with Clarke and he feels like he’s going to combust every time he sees her. 

They’ve become closer to the point where they share hugs and sometimes even light touches, which he thinks are just innocent but they still make his heart drop when he feels her skin on his. Sometimes he catches her staring at him, which only makes him blush and duck his head. Other times he catches her eyes lingering on his lips and he licks at them only for her to snap out of whatever trance she was in.

“Well, have you asked her out to see if she’ll go out with you?” Raven has always been patient with him when it comes to his back-and-forth dilemma that he created for himself when he vowed against soulmates. “You know your mom and I won’t hold it against you if you want to find your soulmate and fall in love with them, right? Just because that didn’t work out for us doesn’t mean you should not want it for yourself Bellamy.” He knows he should listen to his oldest friend. He just feels like he doesn’t deserve that if the people he cares about didn’t get to have something so special. Why would the universe spare him from that misfortune?

“She’s not my soulmate,” he says as he runs his fingers in his hair. He thinks if he says it so many times his stupid heart will get with the program and not fall for Clarke Griffin. He doesn’t think he can survive the heartbreak, let alone the rejection. She has made it clear to him that she’s not interested in finding her soulmate and he told her the same. Though she seemed skeptical of him, she never questioned him. He still wouldn’t kiss her. 

He finally found out that Wells had fallen in love with Clarke and because they were best friends and loved each other, he had hoped she would be his soulmate and he would be able to change her mind that not all soulmates end in tragedy like her parents. And so, he kissed her, only to realize they weren’t soulmates which broke his heart, and ultimately, hers as well. Things had changed between them and that’s what she was afraid of. She said she didn’t know whether she was disappointed Wells wasn’t her soulmate or if she was just annoyed that he wanted to make that decision for her. But she eventually forgave him and they fell back into their best friend mode, though different than before. But at least she didn’t hate him anymore. 

Wells doesn’t believe in soulmates either. But that’s just because the only person he wanted to be his soulmate wasn’t, and he found out the tough way when they didn’t link after their kiss. 

Though Bellamy thinks it’s very romantic, Clarke thinks it’s very unhygienic that for people to find their soulmate they have to share a kiss. 

“How many people do you have to kiss to find your soulmate?” She had asked one day as he walked her back to her dorm room from a frat party. It was their ritual, they walked back under the stars, even in cold snowy nights, to catch up with each other’s week. 

“All the cute boys and girls till I find them” he said playfully.

“What makes you think your soulmate is cute?” 

“Because they’ll be my soulmate, so I’ll obviously find them cute,” he replied easily. 

“For someone that has vowed against soulmates, you sure do seem hung up on this Klork Griffith,” Raven says. Bellamy knows she’s saying her name wrong to tease him and he’s not gonna fall for it. He won’t crack. His friend knows him very well but he won’t give up his façade. 

“Again, she’s NOT my soulmate so there’s nothing to worry about with me breaking my vow. And, I don’t think I’m ever going to find out anyways, unless I find my so…” before he could finish, he felt an excruciating pain right through his chest. He suddenly couldn’t breathe and he remembers this feeling. He could never forget it. 

“Unless you find what?” He can hear Raven but it’s like her voice is a bit muffled. There’s a ringing in his ears and his vision goes blurry. “Bellamy, are you OK?” He sees Raven roll out from under the truck as he stumbles forward trying to lean against it but he trips on his feet and twists his ankle, missing the truck and falling to the ground. The darkness comes and lulls him to a painless sleep where his chest pangs and feels heavy. 

It feels like deja vu, he’s back on the same bed he was when he was 5 and 13, after breaking his arms. Now he’s twisted his right ankle and has it elevated and bandaged. This cannot be a coincidence. He’s confused and worried. Is he sick? He looks back at both times in his childhood where this happened. What he felt. The events before and after he broke his arms. The feelings inside his chest. This is not a coincidence. He needs to find out what’s going on with him.

“I see you’re still as clumsy as ever,” Octavia says as she walks in his secluded bedroom with curtains, holding a bouquet of flowers. She leaned down to kiss his forehead and placed the flowers by his bedside table.

“When are they saying I can get out?”

“Relax big brother, you’ve barely been in here for half a day,” Octavia scolds him knowing he’ll be worried about the hospital bill. 

*************************************************

“I lost Cat 2 days ago” Clarke tells him as she helps him carry his bags into her Mercedes. He feels bad for making her do the work but she offered, and his sister is visiting her boyfriend a town over before schools re-open. She’s driving them to Ark U since Bellamy can’t drive, and she has stopped by his house to pick him up.

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there, I saw your post but I was in hospital and had so much going on.” He really felt like shit for forgetting to text her about her cat dying. He liked Cat just fine. Cat, that’s what Clarke named her cat. He didn’t know whether to laugh or be sad for the poor pet. 

Clarke was home for the holidays with her mom and step-dad. He had learned that she grew up in Sanctum and her father was the mayor when they were just kids. He had to take a few days to stop himself from openly hating her, which was just a natural instinct that came to him when he met anyone from Sanctum or anyone that went to the private school there. Not just because of their football rivalry, but also because of the privilege Sanctum had that Arkadia didn’t. And he grew up resenting those people.

“It’s OK Bellamy, look at you, you can’t even step without wincing from pain. Did you take some pain meds?” He loves it when she mothers him. It feels so foreign since he was always the one to take care of his mother, his sister, his friends, even his team. He always had to carry all their problems and their pain. But here is Clarke, the privileged girl from Sanctum, caring for him without him even asking. 

He’d like to think she’s his best friend. He still has Raven and Miller, but that’s different. He doesn’t have the same longing to be with them at all times as he does for Clarke. He wants to hold her, kiss her, and stay up all night bickering with her. It’s a frustrating feeling because he doesn’t know what to do about any of it. 

On their way, they play some old school music, eat some snacks, and share their semester plans so they could coordinate their days to hang out. He thinks if he can’t have her as more than a friend, he could still be happy having her this way. And he thinks she probably feels the same way, with her constantly spending more time at his single bedroom old apartment 10 minutes from campus, more than her own fancy dorm. 

“Alright, the doc said you shouldn’t stand for too long and you should definitely elevate your foot a couple times a day,” Clarke shouted from the open plan kitchen as she unpacked some groceries that they picked up on the way back to the city. He was listening in from his bedroom as he put away his suitcases. 

“I will take it easy mom,” Bellamy joked as he hopped out of his room to the small living area with a couch and a 10-inch TV mounted to the wall. He guesses she’s rolling her eyes at him as he turns on the TV just to have some background noise. He loves the domesticity of their situation. He has spent most of his holidays thinking about whether he should ask Clarke out on a date or leave things be as they are. They have a good thing going and he wouldn’t want to ruin it. She doesn’t believe in soulmates and he’s just scared to find out she’s not his soulmate. He has come to the conclusion that he is vowing against soulmates as long as they are not Clarke. He knows it’s so unlikely, probably 1 in a million chance Clarke would be his soulmate. But he’s willing to see if he would have him either way. Is it not worth a try? 

One of the things stopping him is that he thinks his situation is no different from that of Wells. How many broken hearts has Clarke left on her trail? Is he next? He thinks that either way, she will eventually break his heart too.

“Are you listening Bellamy?” Clarke has her back turned to him as she started prepping dinner. She’s chopping vegetables, and water he assumes is for pasta is boiling on the stove.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” She huffs, knowing he wasn’t listening to her.

“I was saying, don’t you want to find your soulmate? I can help.” She says it like it’s a good thing. Why would he look for a soulmate when he has her? But he doesn’t ask her that, he just smiles and asks what her plan is.

“We could host a kissing booth.”

“Ew, isn’t that how people get mono?” Bellamy stretches his leg and places it on the coffee table. Clarke hates it when he does that but she’s the one that said he should elevate his foot.

“If the universe didn’t want people to get sick, it would’ve made it so that people found their soulmates by shaking hands, or getting a tattoo when you reach a certain age or something, not through a true love’s kiss.” He can hear her mocking tone when she says ‘true love’s kiss’. Sometimes he doesn’t know if Clarke hates soulmates or falling in love because she’s afraid of getting hurt or because she’s just a cynic. He thought he truly met his match when it came to what they think of this whole soulmate idea but Clarke really takes the crown at hating it. 

“What are you writing?” She asks. He doesn’t remember when she walked over to where he was seating with a pen and notebook on his lap. He doesn’t know why he felt the need to share this very private, very vulnerable information about himself with her, but he does.

“The dates I broke my limbs,” he says. Wondering why she’s quiet, he looks up to find her face in shock. Wide eyes. Her breathing has grown heavy. He brings his hand up to squeeze her arm. 

“Are you sure about these dates?” She asks, and he can see it’s taking a lot for her to speak without shaking a bit.

“Yes, when I was 5, 13, and this one just a few days ago.” He says as he points at each day. He goes on to tell her about how everything starts to the point he wakes up in hospital. This has happened only three times in his life and he feels like it can’t be a coincidence. He looks back up at her again and he can see her mind running a mile a minute. She swallows and points at the dates as she speaks.

“This date is the day I was born,” she points at the day he fell from the tree house and was rushed to the hospital. “My mom was in Arkadia and she gave birth to me there. She says it was one hell of a day.” Clarke shakes her head before continuing. “This date,” she stops to take a deep breath, “this is when my dad died,” she points to the day he fell at his game when he was 13. A tear falls down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away. She shakes her head as if she can’t believe it. Pointing to the last day he has written on his notebook. “This date, a few days ago when you twisted your ankle, is the day my cat died,” she concludes before sinking down on the couch with him.

“This is not happening,” she says in barely a whisper. He thinks she was saying it to herself.

“What’s not happening?” he asks, even more curious than before. She shakes her head again, now buried in her hands; elbows propped on her thighs.

“I’m so sorry Bellamy, I can’t do this,” she stands abruptly and walks over to grab her things. Confused, Bellamy feels a pain right through his chest and suddenly he can’t breathe properly.

“Clarke wait,” his voice comes out in a rasp. She’s trying to put on her sneakers as fast as she can as if she can’t get away from him fast enough. He doesn’t know what he has done. He doesn’t want her to leave. But he knows she’s a runner. And with his inability to run after her, she might just take this flight opportunity. So, what if the dates he had his “episodes” and broke a limb correspond to the important dates in her life?

It was like he needed a second to have it click in his head. His eyes go wide right at the moment he hears Clarke close the door behind her. He jumps and scrambles to get up quick enough to stop her from leaving.

“Clarke!” he calls again as he hops over to the door. But when he reaches the hallway, she has long gone. He slumps against his kitchen wall and feel tears threatening to escape his eyes. His heart aches for her. When he gets up, he sees a stack of containers that has food packaged in them for the next couple of days. She really does take care of him. His heart aches for her. He wants to take care of her too. He wants to show her just how much he cares about her and how much he can make her happy. He sighs, feeling defeated.

************************************************************

He doesn’t see her for the next few days. Then days turned into weeks. His ankle heals, he goes to knock at her dorm room. A random girl opens the single room door which surprises Bellamy. Turns out Clarke has changed rooms and didn’t tell him. Bellamy feels a pain like no other pierce his heart. He finds difficulty in breathing. A tear rolls down his cheek and he lets it fall. Is this how he loses her? This can’t be it! 

He wonders if he should give her the space she needs, but he’s afraid she might not want him back as a friend. He sits around at their spots throughout the next weeks with the hopes of running into her. She doesn’t answer his calls or return his texts. He’s desperate and when that happens, he can’t focus on anything else. He goes to bed with a heavy feeling in his chest and wakes up with it every morning. 

Why does this feel worse than any heartbreak he thinks he has experienced? Losing his father, his mother, seeing his childhood best friend in pain after her accident, he could bear it all. But this pain feels like something is pulling at his heartstrings and he can’t make sense of the world. If she would just talk to him so that he could apologize. That’s all he needs to do. To apologize to her and promise to never cross that line again. 

He understands now. He can’t lose her like this and if it means swallowing the feelings that he has for her he’d go back and do that differently. He just needs to find her and talk to her. It’s been 2 months and he doesn’t think he can bear it anymore. Also, how has she managed to hide from him for this long? It’s not like Ark U is that big. He decides to carry on with his life. To stop seeking her out with the hopes that fate will bring her back to him. He’s done pretending he doesn’t want a soulmate anymore when he could have Clarke. Soulmate or not. He just has to wait to tell her that.

One random Saturday morning he decides to go for a run down by the lake. He has cut down on the partying which means he skipped Mbege’s frat party the previous night. He didn’t feel like going to parties anymore since he won’t enjoy them without Clarke there, or he would end up drinking way too much just to forget. He hasn’t cried for a few days which he thinks is progress on his end. 

At least he only thinks about her once when he goes to sleep and, in the morning, when he wakes up. He also thinks of her when he sees a cat anywhere, or when he preps his meals for the week. He thinks of her when he uses the hand lotion that she got for his bathroom sink, or when he plays Mario kart with one of the guys. OK fine, he thinks about her a lot. But at least now he doesn’t cry when he does. He only longs for her.

He comes to a sudden stop when he feels a bit dizzy on his morning run. His vision goes a bit blurry and his chest pangs. He knows exactly what this is. He moves quick to sit on a nearby bench to regain his composure. He doesn’t want to break any limbs. And every time this has happened before, he ended up in a hospital after losing consciousness. 

He thinks he might be able to control it, but then he thinks about the dates this has happened before. The dates! He thinks to himself. Standing with a jolt as he remembers all those dates and how they connected to Clarke, something is wrong.

After what seemed like hours, he calls an Uber to take him home. When he gets there, things are still a bit fuzzy so he decides to take it easy and make calls from the safety of his living room. He calls Raven first who panics, but he just wanted someone who has been there every time this happened to know it’s happening again. He then decides to call Wells, just to check if he knows where Clarke might be. Maybe if he told him she’s probably in trouble he might tell him where he could find her. But Wells doesn’t take his call and he gets annoyed at the situation. He just needs to know she’s fine and he’ll continue giving her her space.

But then he grows even more desperate and ends up calling the Dean. If Clarke has told her mother about them then fuck it. He just needs to know she’s fine dammit. Her mother picks up and Bellamy finds himself exhaling a long deep breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“Hello?” She asks, obviously confused who was calling her. To be fair, now that he thinks about it, it seems weird he has done that. But he was running out of options and he just needs one small piece of information and he’ll let them be.

“Hi Dr. Griffin, I’m sorry to bother you. It’s Bellamy Blake from the history department.”

“Bellamy!” She confirms, “How are you? How can I help you?” He thinks he hears a voice next to her but she then sounds like she’s shuffling from her position. Dr. Griffin knows him because he’s TA’ing for her husband, Marcus Kane, Clarke’s step-father. Yes, his life is consumed by this girl.

“I’m doing fine, thank you.” Now is not the time for him to think about how he’s doing, and even if he was to confess that he was a mess, it wouldn’t be to the mother of the woman he has come to care so much for and love deeply without even realizing it. He’s far too gone to even deny it at this point. “I just wanted to find out if you know where Clarke might be? I just need to know that she’s doing OK,”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line and he thinks she might hang up. Right before she responds with a sorrowful voice he lets himself take a seat to gain his balance. He thinks he’s going to throw up when she finally speaks. “I’m so sorry honey.” Bellamy doesn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but his mind is racing and Abby seems to be dragging whatever she’s sorry about that she feels might affect him. “Wells is in surgery. He was attacked by thieves in an alleyway early this morning, Clarke is in the other room waiting to hear something.”

“What hospital?” He asks as he moves around to change into decent clothes and grab the keys to his truck. She tells him the name and he drives the 15 minutes, thinking the entire time that he just needs to be there for Clarke. She needs him and he’ll be there. Always.

“Bellamy?” He runs up to her the moment he entered the room designated for family to wait on loved ones whilst they’re in emergencies or surgeries. She crushes into him and he buries his face in the crook of her neck. She cries and he feels a sob overcoming him. He lets himself cry. He doesn’t know if he’s crying for Wells or for finally being able to hold her like this. 

The emotions are overwhelming and yet they feel like home at the same time. He can’t explain it. And it’s right at this moment he knows that this is it. There is no one else in the world out there who would make him feel this way. No one he would feel this connected to. And he will let her have him however she wants. In the end, he knows his heart belongs to her. They hold on to each other for a while longer before he suggests they take a seat. 

“Everything is gonna be alright princess,” he soothes her as he cradles her on his chest. She continues to sob quietly until he feels her still and realizes she has fallen asleep. He doesn’t wake her until a doctor comes through the doors to update them telling them Wells was going to be alright. Bellamy releases a deep breath of relief. 

Clarke runs to hug the doctor asking if they could see him. They’re only allowing family but Abby seems to have her way with things around here because they are given pass, even Bellamy. Clarke sits by Wells’ bed and sobs. She whispers to him and sings a lullaby. Bellamy clenches his jaws to keep an emotionless expression on his face. His chest is filled with so much love for this woman he doesn’t know how it’s possible that it grows stronger every second. 

The days that come after that are different. Wells is released from the hospital, Clarke gets a girlfriend, Lexa, and Bellamy is back in her life again. They hang out with their shared group of friends who tell them they’ve missed them. It turns out that Clarke didn’t just abandon him, she abandoned everyone. She said she didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t hang out with their friends anymore so she removed herself from the equation. 

“She’s totally checking you out” Lexa tells him as they sit at the bar top at The Bardo. Clarke went to the bathroom a few minutes earlier and he’s left there with her girlfriend of three weeks. It has gotten hot really quick as they approach summer and his relationship with Clarke is almost at a point where he doesn’t have to walk on egg shells when they’re alone. It turns out he wears his heart on his sleeve and Clarke is the total opposite. Sometimes he thinks he sees something in her eyes that she might just confess she feels the same way about him, but most times she is the same old emotionless pokerfaced Clarke who hates soulmates but decided to get a girlfriend after rejecting him. Well, she didn’t outright reject him, but she may as well have.

Taking a swig at his beer, he discreetly turns his head to see who Lexa is talking about. He locks eyes with a tall brunette who indeed is unashamedly checking him out. She even winks and he feels a blush creeping up as he ducks his head and turns back to Lexa. 

“Well, what are you waiting for?” 

“I—she’s...”

“Making her way here,” Lexa says, hiding her smile behind her glass of margarita.

“Hi handsome.” He turns to find the woman leaning against the bar top on his other side right as Clarke makes her way back to them. Her eyes grow big, obviously questioning him silently about who he’s talking to. 

“Hi.” He gives the woman his most genuine smile. Clarke is here with her girlfriend; she shouldn’t have a problem with him trying to find a companion of his own. 

“I’m Roma.” 

“Bellamy,” he shakes her hand. She blushes and he finds himself gaining a bit of confidence to talk to her more. Instead, she speaks first. 

“Wanna get out of here?” And he doesn’t need to be asked twice.

********************************************************************** 

“Wait, she found her soulmate and dropped you just like that?” 

“No Bellamy,” Clarke huffs, “she broke up with me and then a week later she told me she found her soulmate. Then she said it was fate we had to break up when we did.” She sips at her water as she sits at his kitchen island where she’s waiting for whatever she has in the oven to finish. “It’s whatever, I don’t care. I told you soulmates suck!” 

Bellamy gives a dry laugh and he shifts on the couch. 

“What happened to Roma?” Bellamy watches as Clarke pretends to be surveying the glass of water she’s definitely clutching on to.

“Nothing,” he replies nonchalantly. He’s not hiding anything from her. “We just have our fun.”

“Are you still having fun with her?” Now that question takes him by surprise and he looks directly at her, willing her to look at him. She doesn’t. She’s playing with a sticker as she watches her hands placed on the counter. He doesn’t know why all of a sudden, he’s in this line of questioning.

“Sometimes,” he says finally as she looks up at him. “It’s just easy between us. We’re not looking for anything more and she says she wants to be able to leave whenever she feels like it.”

“And you’re okay with that?” 

“Not really,” he shrugs, “but it is what it is,”

“You deserve to be happy Bellamy,” Clarke says. She’s now looking right through him and he feels so small under her gaze. Does she know what she does to him? Especially when she looks at him like that! He releases a small breath when a small kind of sorrow settles in his chest. He’s tired of feeling this way, but he knows he’d rather have Clarke right here, just like this, than not at all. So, he swallows his feelings that he’s certain he has almost confessed a handful of times.

“What do you know about my happiness?” He meant for that to come out playfully but he definitely knows with his deep low voice, it came out pained. He hears her take a deep breath before speaking again.

“I can’t give you what you need Bellamy.” This is the closest they’ve come to talk about their feelings since they day everything fell apart for them and he’s not about to go back to that. It’s all or nothing. So, he slowly stands and he sees her sit up, clenching her jaw. She too can see where this is going. He doesn’t know if it’s a good thing that she doesn’t seem to be ready to flee or not. 

“What if you can?” he says as he takes small steps into the kitchen area. She swallows.

“I’m not your soulmate,” her breathing has become heavy as her chest heaves. His heartbeat raises, he’s now standing on the opposite side of the island. 

“Do you care if I am or if I’m not your soulmate Clarke?”

She rubs her face, clearly frustrated with the situation. “You’re gonna ruin everything,” she chokes, words full of emotion she clearly wants to hide.

“I’m not the one that brought this up Clarke.” He doesn’t want to get frustrated with her but god dammit she’s giving him whiplash. “What do you want?” He finally asks her as she has her face buried in her hands, elbows propped on the counter top.

He moves to join her on the other side and she startles when she sees him get close to her. 

“Tell me what you want Clarke,”

“It doesn’t matter what I want,” she lets out a sob and he feels the need to cup her cheek and wipe away her tears. But he doesn’t. He needs to stay strong so they could have this important conversation they’ve been dancing around for way too long.

“Of course, it matters what you want Clarke.”

“No, it doesn’t,” she says between her teeth. Bellamy spins her stool around so she’s facing him. He straddles her legs and gets between them, getting into her space. She gasps and straightens, obviously trying to create some space between them. “What are you doing” she quickly asks.

“What do you want Clarke?” Bellamy asks again. He feels a bit of confidence surge through him and prays that he has read whatever body language undertones Clarke has been giving off as well. 

“I don’t know,” she takes in a deep breath before continuing. Bellamy thinks it’s a good sign she hasn’t pushed him away and run. So, he stays put. Their eyes meet and he feels his heart racing and hopes she doesn’t read the vulnerability in his eyes. The room is spinning and his body feels like it’s moving mountains. They’re holding each other’s gaze probably waiting to see who will make the next move or break the compelling silence surrounding them. The room is so silent yet so loud. He blinks, only to break whatever is happening. Though he wants to explore whatever it is he’s feeling for Clarke, he also wants to make sure it’s what she wants and she’s not feeling pressured. Clearing his throat, he treads lightly. Speaking the language she responds well to.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Everyone says that, and they always leave,” she says. He understands that so well. The people he loves have been provided with the short end of a stick when it comes to soulmates and he doesn’t blame her for giving up. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he says it in the most confident and steady tone to assure her. Searching her eyes to see if she believes him, he leans his forehead on hers and she takes in a short quick breath as if surprised by his movements. 

“You’re too good to me.” He’s shocked at that. “I ruin everything and everyone that gets close to me, you should be running the other way.” She’s crying now. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” seems like the only coherent sentence he can provide right now. He knows she needs to hear it said many times before she can believe it. 

She pulls back and he misses sharing the small breath of air. “I pushed you away so many times Bellamy,” she says as she rubs at his cheeks. “It would break my heart if you’re not my soulmate.” She gives him a small weak smile and his heart clenches. He can’t comprehend what she just said. Did she say she wants him to be her soulmate? “Is it worth ruining us?” She seems to have thought about this a lot. Clarke doesn’t just spontaneously do something, she plans, does research, calculates. And he knows she has thought about this conversation so many times it pains him to know she has only hit walls.

“Whether you’re my soulmate or not Clarke, I’m not going anywhere,” he concludes and hopes she gets the message. He will fight for her till she believes that his heart belongs to her. He sees her swallow; she’s thinking too much. He moves to cup her face and rub at her cheek. She closes her eyes and he can’t believe the next words that come out of her mouth.

“Kiss me.”

He freezes at that. There’s no turning back after this. He knows he’s willing to risk it all with her. To take a chance at this beautiful thing called love, fuck soulmates. He leans in before she thinks he doesn’t want to, but then stops and hovers mere inches from her lips. He can feel her ragged breathing, she’s probably nervous. He closes his eyes, “I’m not going anywhere,” he says before crushing his lips against hers.

See, Bellamy has kissed many people before this. Boys, girls, someone he has known for a long time and considers one of his best friends, he has kissed strangers, colleagues, drunk girls and boys at frat parties, but he has never kissed Clarke Griffin. And he feels like he’s floating. How is this even possible? This girl that seems to occupy his every thought of the day, the girl that has caused him heartbreak and near heart attacks, the princess of Ark U and most definitely of Sanctum, is the one to make him speechless with just her lips against his. 

She opens for him and he takes advantage of that, darting his tongue to play with hers and she sucks at his bottom lip before biting lightly making him lightheaded. They go on like that till he can feel his lips start to bruise. He wonders if they just don’t want to open their eyes to reality, though he knows he has promised her he’ll stay. But there’s that little hope he knows he shouldn’t hold on to. That hope that when they open their eyes he’ll see that streak of grey hair on her head. But he can’t think like that right now. He will stay no matter the outcome. Soulmate or not, he will stay. And he knows she was afraid that he might leave one day if they weren’t soulmates. Taking a deep breath. He begins to move away slowly. 

“Wait.” He hears her shaky breath in a whisper, he knows she’s trying to ready herself to the inevitable, and he’ll give her that. “You promise to stay?” She asks in the smallest whisper so that he wouldn’t have heard her if he wasn’t so close. He doesn’t want to get annoyed that she was the one who left him. And he has promised that many times. He says it anyway.

“I’m not going anywhere Clarke. Whenever you’re ready.” He has his eyes open and he can’t do anything but stare at her closed eyes. His heart is thumping and he doesn’t know if she can hear it. “Open your eyes princess,” he can’t hide his smile and he thinks she heard it with the quick way her eyelids flew open. 

He has never seen anything more beautiful than the sight right in front of him now. Clarke Griffin dons a thick streak of white hair falling gracefully in her face. He’s glad to have opened his eyes first because he can now revel at her expression when she sees his too. 

Clarke Griffin is his soulmate. And he doesn’t know what he has done for the universe to grant him this gift. 

“Hey, hey, hey what’s wrong,” he cradles her face as she starts crying, wiping away at her tears. He starts to panic but then reels back when he hears her cries have turned into laughter. He starts smiling, and then laughs too. They’re now both laughing hysterically in the middle of his kitchen. 

“You’re my soulmate!” Clarke says in between her uncoordinated loud laughter. One of her hands is splayed on the countertop to gain her balance and the other resting on her belly. As they calm from their laughter, Clarke pulls him in with her legs so he’s once again standing in between them and she throws her arms around his neck as she starts to kiss him uncontrollably. This kiss is different from their first one. This kiss is full of hunger and want. Her demands are clear and he lifts her up from the stool and walks towards his couch dropping her on it and following right after to lay his weight on top of her. Their lips crash back together and they spend the next several minutes embracing and kissing. He’s touching her everywhere, sliding his one of his hands up to cup her breast while the other stays firmly on her hip. He can’t get enough. Her moans are making him dizzy and he straddles her so he lies in between her legs.

Bellamy has never been happier. He wants to thank the lucky stars that brought him to Clarke Griffin. A woman who can easily tear his heart into small pieces with just her piercing eyes and one decision—walking away from him. But right at this moment, he’s not worried about that. 

“Lexa broke up with me because she said I was clearly in love with you,” Clarke says in between their kisses and Bellamy pulls back smiling.  
“What?” he says. “You’re in love with me?” She rolls her eyes and pulls him back in.

“Shut up and kiss your soulmate.”

“I’m glad you didn’t punch me.” He’s smiling now and it’s ruining their kiss because his teeth keep getting in the way. 

“That can still be arranged.”

“You wouldn’t,” He pretends to be shocked as his phone rings and he growls. Clarke giggles and he pecks at her lips before grabbing his phone to check who’s calling.

“Raven, is everything alright?”

“Clarke is your soulmate.” He sits up confused and Clarke follows. He turns her to speaker as Raven continues.

“I was doing some research on what was happening to you when I stumbled upon this couple that studies soulmates and how their behaviors and actions affect each other. Turns out this is pretty common between soulmates that have many lifetimes together.” Clarke rolls her eyes and Bellamy just smiles at her while his friend continues. He couldn’t care less about the research as he’s staring at the love of his life sitting so close to him, hair disheveled from their make-out session, lips pink and bruised, and eyes so blue he wants to drown in them.

“When you told me about the dates you had your episodes being important dates in Clarke’s life,” Raven is still talking and it seems Clarke is paying attention while he’s clearly not. He’s distracted by her presence. “I had to look it up. Turns out every time something major happened in Clarke’s life, it somehow affected you too. Her birth, her father’s death, her cat’s death.”

“Wells’ accident,” Bellamy adds on. He had called Raven that day. He had known something was up for a while now. He just didn’t want to believe it if it would only bring him sadness and disappointment. Clarke looks taken aback by this revelation. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Please don’t run!

She swallows and looks up at him, he can see the panic in her eyes and he slowly brings his hand to lock it with hers. She closes her eyes. “I’ve caused you so much pain Bellamy, how are you still…”

“Hey sshhh, that’s not your fault. You didn’t know and you absolutely didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I still ignored you for weeks and pushed you away. Even though it hurt me so much. I don’t understand how you can forgive me.”

“Well, isn’t that what soulmates are for?” he asks. She opens her eyes and smiles through the glaze of tears that have formed in her eyes.

“I love you Bellamy Blake.” She gasps as if surprised at her confession.

“Ok I’m gonna go now,” Bellamy laughs as he hangs up on his friend before bringing his attention back to his soulmate.

“I’ve loved you for a long time. I didn’t know how to handle that. I’m sorry I pushed you away and caused you all that pain. God knows I know how fucking miserable I was during that time. I can’t imagine how you felt.” Her eyes are full of passion and he wants to give her time to let out whatever she has to say. “I love you and I hope you can let me make it up to you.”

He pulls her to his lap for another soaring kiss. They stay like that for a bit before he starts trailing kisses to her jaw, then down her neck as he whispers his I love you’s to her. He doesn’t know if his heart will be able to handle this change of overwhelming feelings, but he knows it needed some change. He’s never letting go of her, even when she gets scared, he will run after her and remind her of what this feeling is like. 

The oven beeps and Bellamy growls. Clarke giggles and he just holds her there, smiling up at her as she sits on his lap knees tucked on either side of his thighs. Not wanting to let go anytime soon.


End file.
